When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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