my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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