he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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