But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
