i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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