last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
