A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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