i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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