i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
