i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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