All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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