You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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