I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Randomize
