she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize