I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
