Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
