it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
