no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
