Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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