how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
