Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
