I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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