capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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