we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
