when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
