she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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