if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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