Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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