even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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