Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
