I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
