will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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