Apparently you make a good broom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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