dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How does one acquire holy water?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
