if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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