I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
