Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no you cant smoke seaweed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My dick has a subreddit
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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