I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
