brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
