You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
