Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
