TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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