discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
