i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
