Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
