: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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