Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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