i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
