SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
