I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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