Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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