I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
