just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
