i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Less talking, more tequila
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
