when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
