He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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