when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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