i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
