I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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