youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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