Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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