If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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