My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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