Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
