This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
