just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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