I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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