How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
